I'm starting on pieces for my portfolio and getting back into creating fine art pieces on a regular basis is going to take some getting used to. Over the last several years I've only done a handful of pieces, unsure of myself, my abilities, and what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's difficult to gain confidence in yourself if you don't try and don't put yourself out there. Fear of rejection is sterilizing, and not believing yourself capable of creating "good art" feeds the fear of rejection.

I'm finding that "good art" is subjective. Certainly there are technical aspects that are generally considered the correct way of doing certain things, but it's also understood and expected that those rules are really guidelines and they are expected to be bent and broken. One of my teachers in college told me that in order to break the rule, you must first understand it. I'm not entirely sure that I agree with this, certainly there are self taught artists who have never conventionally learned the "correct" way of doing something, and have instead done something different, and some of them are extremely successful artists.

For me I've held a lack of self confidence that I am slowly starting to overcome. I'm beginning to realize that I am a better artist than I give myself credit for, and I could become a great artist with practice, exploration of new media, and exploration of myself. I am beginning to try new things, to revisit old things, and to try to find my own style.

I think the thing that I enjoy most about creating art is trying new things. I'm the type of person that wants to try everything. To create art in every medium. While I might find that there are some things I don't seem to have a knack for, there are even more that I find I truly enjoy.

I currently have a goal to prepare a portfolio that reflects my versatility as an artist, my own personal style, and my eagerness to learn and explore. My portfolio will ultimately be a dynamic exploration of art, and to achieve this I plan to complete at least one piece a week. Eventually I will get into the rhythm and simply not stop creating, and that is what I would like to ultimately do.

Off to See the Wizard!

Sort of.

I'm applying to grad school, and oh my god it's like a second job. I've only just begun the process and I've already managed to find ten million things I need to do before I'm ready to complete the application process. I've only just begun sending out information requests for different programs and begun thinking about how to pull together the type of portfolio that kicks major ass. I'm also starting to stress. My personal application deadline is January 1.

I've already begun recruiting people for assistance. I've got people on stand by to critique any work I do, I've sent out requests to former professors for letters of recommendation, and I've already got people giving me tips and advice on how to write my essay. This is a bit more like wonderland and a bit less like oz.

All of this on top of being a full time mom, freelance designer, part time receptionist, and working on a graphic novel. I've also got ambitions of making a personal website to host my blog, my portfolio, short stories about my adventures, and possibly even a webcomic. Sometimes I think I'm extra crazy, but this is what I really wanna do, and I need to do it now. It's time for a change and this is it!

To help keep myself focused, to help me keep the stress down, and to chronicle this new and exciting adventure I plan to post on here every so often. Hopefully a little more often than in the past (I am a lazy blogger, but at least I admit it, and that is the first step to recovery.)